One of the greatest struggles in a believer’s life is facing someone who has hurt us, yet never admits their wrongdoing. They are not sorry, do not ask for forgiveness, and may even think they are right. So how should a Christian respond? Is it possible to forgive without an apology?
1. Forgiveness Is a Command, Not an Option
Jesus taught very clearly, “If you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Mark 11:25). Forgiveness is not an option, but a call of faith.
Of course, this does not mean we tolerate other people’s wrongs, but we are asked to release our right to retaliate.
2. Forgiving Does Not Mean Forgetting or Covering Up Sin
Many people misunderstand forgiveness to mean pretending nothing happened. That is not so. The Bible teaches us to continue distinguishing between right and wrong. Romans 12:19 says, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
This means that when we forgive, we are handing judgment over to God, not erasing the reality that a wound was caused.
3. Following Christ, Who Forgave Without Being Asked
While on the cross, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). The people who crucified Him never asked for mercy. Yet Jesus still released forgiveness.
Here we learn this: forgiving first is an attitude of the heart that imitates Christ.
4. Forgiving Frees Us, Not Them
Sometimes we think forgiving will benefit the one who did wrong. In fact, forgiveness primarily frees our hearts from bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 reminds us not to let any bitter root grow and damage our lives.
If we keep holding on to resentment, we are the ones who slowly break down. But when we forgive, the heart becomes light and peace flows again.
5. Forgiveness Is Not the Same as Reconciliation
There are times when a relationship with the person who hurt us cannot return to what it once was. We may keep our distance, act wisely, and even limit interaction. But that does not mean we have failed to forgive. Forgiveness is a matter of the heart, not merely a social relationship.
6. Practical Steps to Forgive
- Pray and mention that person’s name before God. At first it may be difficult, but prayer will soften the heart.
- Acknowledge our hurt. God does not ask us to hide our pain, but to surrender it.
- Choose to let go. Forgiveness is a decision, not merely a feeling.
- Remember the grace we have received. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Conclusion
Forgiving someone who never says sorry is indeed very difficult, but not impossible. We forgive not because that person deserves it, but because we have already been forgiven by God. By choosing to forgive, we are following Christ’s example, handing judgment over to God, and freeing our hearts from bitterness.
Forgiveness is the path to peace, even when the other person does not change.
